You know you're a racer when...
Last Updated: 11/22/2010
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A RACER WHEN:
-You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
-You take your helmet along when you go buy new eyeglasses or check out cars
-You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous time.
-You are happiest when your streetcar’s tires are worn to racing depth (wear
-When something falls off your car, you wonder how much weight you just
-When you hear ‘overcooked it’, instead of food, you think ‘off the track’.
-You change engine oil every other week.
-You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the
throttle right after turning in.
-You really enjoy showing the tailgater how to drive around a highway off
-Your racing budget is one of the big three – mortgage, car payments,
-Your email address refers to your racecar rather than you.
-You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
-You have paid $4 for a gallon of fuel without complaining.
-You buy new parts because you can’t remember where you stuck the spares.
-You bought a racecar before buying a house.
-You bought a racecar before furniture for the house.
-You are looking for a tow vehicle and you still have not bought furniture.
-You find that you need a new house because you’ve outgrown your garage and
the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the
street or in the front yard.
-The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of
1. 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
2. Outside parking for 6 cars, a motor home, a crew cab dually, a 28’
enclosed trailer and a 34’ 5th wheel.
3. 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage.
4. A grease pit.
5. Deaf neighbors.
7. Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8. Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property
somewhere –or- hookups for the motor home.
- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires
that could have been purchased.
- You sit in your racecar in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and
practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from
the machine shop.
-You look at the purchase of tools as a long-term investment.
-Your wife says "if you buy another set of tires, she gets a new diamond".
-Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
-You have enough spare parts to build another car.
-More than one racer supply house knows your voice and calls you by name.
-You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
-You think that the last line of the star spangled banner is "Gentlemen,
start your engines".
- You cannot remember the last time you relaxed on a weekend.
-You’re registered for wedding gifts at Pelican Parts, Paragon Products and
the Racers Group.
-Your Christmas list begins with a set of BFG R1’s (bonus points if your
wife knows what they are)
-You have a separate drawer for garage clothes.
-Your bathroom reading material is Pano, Excellence, Grassroots Motorsports
and every book Carrol Smith has ever written.
-People only recognize you when you have your helmet on.
-You talk to other cars on the road calling them by their manufacturers
-Your first date involves you getting her to crew for you.
-Your family vacations are planned around the race schedule.
-You astound the clerk at Sears by breaking a breaker bar every week or two.
-You remember the dates of every race you have entered, but can’t remember
the wife’s birthday.
-You complain when cars in front of you on highway off ramps don’t stay on
their line causing your exit speed to drop.
-A neighbor asks to borrow some oil and you reply "Synthetic or Organic", he
-You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work/school.
-You always-late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming
-You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger
looks at you really funny.
-You can’t stand under steer.
-You think traction control and ABS is for those who do not know how to
-You’ve tried to convince your wife that you need a flow bench to fix the
air filter in her mini van.
-You discovered that your riding lawnmower runs pretty well on 108-octane
race fuel but doesn’t care for alcohol.
-The local police and state patrol has photos of your car taped to their
-The local tire shop will not honor the tread life warranty on any car you
have been within 50 yards of.
-You consider the redline as a conservative suggestion and the rev limiter
as a fun limiter.
-You spend more on insurance premiums than food.
-When someone referrers to the "good book" you think of the technical specs
book for your car.
-You own 5 cars and only one of them is street legal.
-You know the ¼ mile times and skid pad numbers for your riding lawnmower.
And you want to improve them.
-You know the "racing line" of every road on your daily commute.
-You have started looking for sponsors for your daily commute?
-You have slalomed in a construction zone and counted penalty points in the
rear view mirror.
-After your suggestion of a location for the family vacation, your wife
responds: "What race is being held there"?
Credits: The Internet... somewhere