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You know you're a racer when...
Last Updated: 11/22/2010

-You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.

-You take your helmet along when you go buy new eyeglasses or check out cars


-You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous time.

-You are happiest when your streetcar’s tires are worn to racing depth (wear

bars showing).

-When something falls off your car, you wonder how much weight you just


-When you hear ‘overcooked it’, instead of food, you think ‘off the track’.

-You change engine oil every other week.

-You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the

throttle right after turning in.

-You really enjoy showing the tailgater how to drive around a highway off


-Your racing budget is one of the big three – mortgage, car payments,


-Your email address refers to your racecar rather than you.

-You walk proper lines through the grocery store.

-You have paid $4 for a gallon of fuel without complaining.

-You buy new parts because you can’t remember where you stuck the spares.

-You bought a racecar before buying a house.

-You bought a racecar before furniture for the house.

-You are looking for a tow vehicle and you still have not bought furniture.

-You find that you need a new house because you’ve outgrown your garage and

the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the

street or in the front yard.

-The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of


1. 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.

2. Outside parking for 6 cars, a motor home, a crew cab dually, a 28’

enclosed trailer and a 34’ 5th wheel.

3. 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage.

4. A grease pit.

5. Deaf neighbors.

7. Across the street from a paint and body shop.

8. Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property

somewhere –or- hookups for the motor home.

- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires

that could have been purchased.

- You sit in your racecar in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and

practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from

the machine shop.

-You look at the purchase of tools as a long-term investment.

-Your wife says "if you buy another set of tires, she gets a new diamond".

-Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.

-You have enough spare parts to build another car.

-More than one racer supply house knows your voice and calls you by name.

-You have car parts in your cubicle at work.

-You think that the last line of the star spangled banner is "Gentlemen,

start your engines".

- You cannot remember the last time you relaxed on a weekend.

-You’re registered for wedding gifts at Pelican Parts, Paragon Products and

the Racers Group.

-Your Christmas list begins with a set of BFG R1’s (bonus points if your

wife knows what they are)

-You have a separate drawer for garage clothes.

-Your bathroom reading material is Pano, Excellence, Grassroots Motorsports

and every book Carrol Smith has ever written.

-People only recognize you when you have your helmet on.

-You talk to other cars on the road calling them by their manufacturers


-Your first date involves you getting her to crew for you.

-Your family vacations are planned around the race schedule.

-You astound the clerk at Sears by breaking a breaker bar every week or two.

-You remember the dates of every race you have entered, but can’t remember

the wife’s birthday.

-You complain when cars in front of you on highway off ramps don’t stay on

their line causing your exit speed to drop.

-A neighbor asks to borrow some oil and you reply "Synthetic or Organic", he

responds "Vegetable".

-You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work/school.

-You always-late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming


-You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger

looks at you really funny.

-You can’t stand under steer.

-You think traction control and ABS is for those who do not know how to


-You’ve tried to convince your wife that you need a flow bench to fix the

air filter in her mini van.

-You discovered that your riding lawnmower runs pretty well on 108-octane

race fuel but doesn’t care for alcohol.

-The local police and state patrol has photos of your car taped to their


-The local tire shop will not honor the tread life warranty on any car you

have been within 50 yards of.

-You consider the redline as a conservative suggestion and the rev limiter

as a fun limiter.

-You spend more on insurance premiums than food.

-When someone referrers to the "good book" you think of the technical specs

book for your car.

-You own 5 cars and only one of them is street legal.

-You know the ¼ mile times and skid pad numbers for your riding lawnmower.

And you want to improve them.

-You know the "racing line" of every road on your daily commute.

-You have started looking for sponsors for your daily commute?

-You have slalomed in a construction zone and counted penalty points in the

rear view mirror.

-After your suggestion of a location for the family vacation, your wife

responds: "What race is being held there"?

Credits:  The Internet... somewhere

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