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You know you're a racer when... Last Updated: 11/22/2010 |
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YOU KNOW YOU’RE A RACER WHEN: -You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight. -You take your helmet along when you go buy new eyeglasses or check out cars (seats). -You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous time. -You are happiest when your streetcar’s tires are worn to racing depth (wear bars showing). -When something falls off your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved. -When you hear ‘overcooked it’, instead of food, you think ‘off the track’. -You change engine oil every other week. -You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in. -You really enjoy showing the tailgater how to drive around a highway off ramp. -Your racing budget is one of the big three – mortgage, car payments, dating. -Your email address refers to your racecar rather than you. -You walk proper lines through the grocery store. -You have paid $4 for a gallon of fuel without complaining. -You buy new parts because you can’t remember where you stuck the spares. -You bought a racecar before buying a house. -You bought a racecar before furniture for the house. -You are looking for a tow vehicle and you still have not bought furniture. -You find that you need a new house because you’ve outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard. -The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance): 1. 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop. 2. Outside parking for 6 cars, a motor home, a crew cab dually, a 28’ enclosed trailer and a 34’ 5th wheel. 3. 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage. 4. A grease pit. 5. Deaf neighbors. 7. Across the street from a paint and body shop. 8. Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property somewhere –or- hookups for the motor home. - You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires that could have been purchased. - You sit in your racecar in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop. -You look at the purchase of tools as a long-term investment. -Your wife says "if you buy another set of tires, she gets a new diamond". -Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms. -You have enough spare parts to build another car. -More than one racer supply house knows your voice and calls you by name. -You have car parts in your cubicle at work. -You think that the last line of the star spangled banner is "Gentlemen, start your engines". - You cannot remember the last time you relaxed on a weekend. -You’re registered for wedding gifts at Pelican Parts, Paragon Products and the Racers Group. -Your Christmas list begins with a set of BFG R1’s (bonus points if your wife knows what they are) -You have a separate drawer for garage clothes. -Your bathroom reading material is Pano, Excellence, Grassroots Motorsports and every book Carrol Smith has ever written. -People only recognize you when you have your helmet on. -You talk to other cars on the road calling them by their manufacturers name. -Your first date involves you getting her to crew for you. -Your family vacations are planned around the race schedule. -You astound the clerk at Sears by breaking a breaker bar every week or two. -You remember the dates of every race you have entered, but can’t remember the wife’s birthday. -You complain when cars in front of you on highway off ramps don’t stay on their line causing your exit speed to drop. -A neighbor asks to borrow some oil and you reply "Synthetic or Organic", he responds "Vegetable". -You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work/school. -You always-late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out. -You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger looks at you really funny. -You can’t stand under steer. -You think traction control and ABS is for those who do not know how to drive. -You’ve tried to convince your wife that you need a flow bench to fix the air filter in her mini van. -You discovered that your riding lawnmower runs pretty well on 108-octane race fuel but doesn’t care for alcohol. -The local police and state patrol has photos of your car taped to their dashboards. -The local tire shop will not honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards of. -You consider the redline as a conservative suggestion and the rev limiter as a fun limiter. -You spend more on insurance premiums than food. -When someone referrers to the "good book" you think of the technical specs book for your car. -You own 5 cars and only one of them is street legal. -You know the ¼ mile times and skid pad numbers for your riding lawnmower. And you want to improve them. -You know the "racing line" of every road on your daily commute. -You have started looking for sponsors for your daily commute? -You have slalomed in a construction zone and counted penalty points in the rear view mirror. -After your suggestion of a location for the family vacation, your wife responds: "What race is being held there"? Credits: The Internet... somewhere |